Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Politics of Cyber Marriage

Ahh, for a while I wanted to write a post on hawa/desire, a religious post, but since not many read my blog like before I just figured id do some other 3ebada on my own..

Well ! Back to my post of intent, haa.. I just got a proposal from a convert sister.. I kindly said no she was way older and had children, I was flattered either way that some one much older than me would be interested.. It really breaks my heart that many of these sisters get a divorced for various reasons I wont discuss here.

Well you see that’s on the cyber profile thing, on the several Muslim matchmaking websites.. For a guy like me whom I really doubt will have a “traditional marriage” even though I would have loved to avoid all the complications of living a “globalized delocalized” life style and intellectual cultural dilemmas I have.

I know that there were sisters interested in me in university, but im not anything near a serious prospect, girls from our uni are “high maintenance” and there is a huge emphasis on the material world, not my thing. And for a guy like myself with academic ambitions that’s like killing my zawaj prospects.

Am not Egyptian enough. For a typical Egyptian marriage, my previous perception of my self is that I was like interesting/exotic but nothing serious. When I first started out on deen in my second semster of uni people thought I was Pakistani !with my white head fit hat thing, ( 6ageyah) then of course I had friends that thought I was born and raised in America, and others that thought I was Kuwaiti even after knowing me for 2 years. Like guys I use to go out with and chill!

Not that any of the sisters in uni were interesting to me anyways!. I remember the daunting task of some bros looking for a wife and then some of em would tell me to call bro so and so who is already married coz his wife is a friend of so and so.. Blahblah blahhh.. And for some reason the bros were always helpful when they could before they were married.. Once they are.. Its like they so freaking lazy.. And never get back to you…

Seems like I never got to “cyber marriage “ yet he3!
I only had one cyber encounter that lasted about 2 weeks! And one phone call.. She was a sister from a bodybuilding forum lol! Like converted at the time for a few months and started niqab. We just weren’t made for each other.. Another one, way before with another convert sis, which I didn’t know she was, she approached me, blah blah we fell in love blah, she never really practiced , blah we stopped talking. And the only perhaps most close to a traditional setting was visiting a family, well the girl was Mexican american she converted at 16 then her mom converted after her !, I went to their house her step dad opened the door and behind him a woman whom I thought was the girl,, I was like shocked!!!! And like I freaked out my mouth slightly opened and my eyes in awe, then he said this is my wife and I was like fewwwww wiping the sweat over my forehead.. I said kindly no again.. Which like made me sad for a week.
Well so it seems not so of a bad idea to try this cyber world thing on…

You see going through profiles, like some sisters just don’t get it.. Not serious at all on ther profiles and say the stupidest things one could possibly say.. And it also seems that as sisters grow older their demands go less and less..

I would have liked to quote some of what the sisters were saying, that would be nasty perhaps.. But one said “no bros with jacked up minhaj” JACKED UP MINHAJ !!

And whats up with the sisters who want to live in Saudi ? “make hijra to Saudi” as if that’s possible ! They think Saudi is some sort of manhaj moral Utopia especially the troid spubs “super Salafi” sisters if you know what I mean.

There are tones of older sisters.. Perhaps the younger ones shouldn’t wait till they get old and start putting profiles!!! I cant find any!
I sort of got lost why I wrote this post, but perhaps I could get some feedback !


sara said...

Bos ya sedy,

Anything you do for the halal through a halal way is OKAY! Culture we mesh culture, we can find a way around it.. As long as you're in the first & the last place looking for an elevation, then don't fear the obstacles..

I mean we're supposed to go for the right thing & not fear rejection or problems, elniya eih? tamam? then we shouldn't ez'al for anything..

MASS said...

niya: check

Allah al musta3an.

patience inshaAllah.

LuLu...! said...

do watever u think is rite and watever hayerdy rabena.. :)

have a nice day

MASS said...

Allah al musta3an

emma said...

uni graduates are high maintenance?

shouldnt an education add to the value of a woman?

when seeking a wife shouldnt you also consider who you would prefer to raise your kids, doesnt an education add an advantage in that case? other than being able to have a communicate on the same level.

and about the migrating to saudi thing, its not just the women, a bunch of guys look for potential wives in arab countries so that they can relocate themselves as well...so i understand what you mean there:)

MASS said...


well you see I meant my uni specifically, not just any uni.

I dont think being educated means you should be matertially demanding and in their case its usually the parrents who emphasise this and the daughters do not necessarily object.

I use to want a sister into social sciences, but now I dont really care, since they arent that many anyways and at many times have misunderstandings about Islam.

Veiled Muslimah said...

jacked up minhaj! lol, this post made me laugh.

well okay its not a laughing matter, and i think saras advice was the best. wa allahu a'lam. may Allah swt make it easier for you. ameen.

MASS said...

jazakum Allahu khairan.

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